,,Depression is one of the cruelest of all illnesses. The thing about depression is it blurs your perception of the future and makes it nearly impossible to see the end. You start to think that there’s no such thing as ‘winning’ and why bother fighting if you already know the outcome. It slowly strips you of any hope you used to have. And without hope, it’s difficult to see a future or a reason to fight. But I now know there is hope. There are people willing to help, and I don’t have to waste the rest of my life with an empty heart full of despair. I used to push away happiness, but now I embrace it. I now have control over my life and through it all I know it has made me a much stronger person. I have learned to live life for today; I don’t worry about the past or the future. Every day is a new day, a fresh start.''

^ this is not how i feel. I want more than probly anything, to say this paragraph one day and truly mean it. The first half is everything i feel and the second half is everything i dream of feeling. I know there are ppl who will help and i dont want to sad forever be. i know all this but i still cant pass the wall depression built to trust myself to be happy. i still cant see then end of the black tunnel or belief it exist.